We could talk about infinitely many productive and cool things in our lives, but eh, where's the fun in that? Time to yap about yappity things.
So, in today's episode of Yapper TV, we present to you:
"Rate Indonesian Baddies x/10"!!!
No, you dirty brain, shush.
I'm talking about the islands! The Indonesian archipelago has the most islands (like, 17,000 or something), and no, I'm not citing any sources—duh, do you see what this website is called? Why would I reveal all my secret sources to you anyway, huh? Go away! Just take my claims at face value because I'm smart. Smarter than Wikipedia or ChatGPT... or maybe even your mom (I don't know, haven't met her—YET!).
Hmm, let's see… let's go from the biggest to the smallest, because my ex always said, "Your eyes only notice the big ones." And of course, I can't do anything but obey.
New Guinea
6/10
Exotic, untamed, and absolutely massive. (That’s completely my type, tehee.)
But ehh, a major turn off is that it’s shared between two countries—Indonesia and Papua New Guinea. And you know, having multiple partners is a huge turn-off for me, so… 6/10.
Enough of that, bonk!! Is it okay to rate islands? I don't know, ehhhh who cares.....
Here’s some bio-data I got after I stalked her profile all over the internet (hey, please don’t let her know, okay?):
Age
That's the first thing you wanna know heh? I know you perfectly my dear😝
Location
Southeast Asia-Pacific, right between Indonesia and Papua New Guinea
Height (Elevation)
4,884 meters (Puncak Jaya – tallest in Oceania, no big deal, a little big but will fit in perfectly with me(that's what she said) 😏)
Size
785,753 km² (Yeah, she's huuuge).
Relationship Status
Split – shares herself between Indonesia (West Papua & Papua) and Papua New Guinea. Drama-free, though. 😌
Don't know, I'm swiping a little to the left here..
Borneo
9/10
9/10
Umm, looks like all the hotties have messed up relationships here—three countries?!
That’s a little too many, ngl. But hehe, it’s fine because her face card is enough for me to ignore ALL the red flags, hehe.😋😋
Age
Timeless, darling. She's been around for millions of years, always glowing like the tropical goddess she is. 🦖✨
Location
Right between Indonesia and Papua New Guinea. Borneo's got the best location – tropical paradise vibes all day. 💖
Height
Borneo's tallest peak is Mount Kinabalu, standing at 4,095 meters. She's high up, but never too high to notice you.😸
Size
Borneo's got curves – 748,168 km² of lush jungle, winding rivers, and mountain peaks. Her landscape? Pure, natural beauty with deep valleys and secret hideaways. You can get lost in her curves, and trust me, you will want to. 🌺🌺🌺🌺💋
Relationship Status
Oh, she's poly, babe. She's happily sharing herself between Indonesia, Malaysia, and Brunei, but here's the thing… more baddies for me, right? 😏
Sugar Mommy Status
UwU, sugar mommy for sure! 💅 She's rich in oil, natural gas, and all the good stuff – dripping in wealth and ready to spoil you hehe.💸💸💸🥵🥵
Secret Talent
She's got hidden caves that are literally the largest in the world. I mean, who doesn't love a secret lair?Don't you? Don't lie to me, I can read your minddddddd!
RIGHT SWIPE ALL THE WAY, BABYYYY!!!
Sulawesi
∞/10
(NGL, the name gives me "she’s gonna perform some weird black magic on me" vibes🥺)
Don’t know what to expect; Borneo babes has already set some high expectations for me now...
DON’T REMIND ME THAT I’M SKIPPING SUMATRA!
MY BLOG, MY WISH! You want me to rate baddies in descending order? Do it yourself, I don’t care.
100000000/10
I NEED MORE DIGITS!!! AGHHHHH!!!!!!
Age
Age is just a number, darling.
Location
Nestled in the heart of Indonesia, surrounded by the Celebes Sea, the Molucca Sea, and the Java Sea. She's got the perfect location—tropical, fierce, and ready to conquer the world!👑
Height
Oops, a little bigger than mine, OMG, but—Mount Rantekombola stands at a stunning 3,478 meters. She's tall, majestic, and knows how to rise above it all. 😏🏔️
Size
She's got it all, honey. 174,600 km² of rugged beauty—crystal-clear beaches, volcanic mountains, and wild jungles. Her terrain is a force to be reckoned with.
Relationship Status
She's an independent slay queen, babe. Sulawesi doesn't need anyone to validate her beauty. She owns her space, confidently splitting her energy across Indonesia with no drama. Just straight-up girlboss energy. 💅💅💅
Vibes
Sulawesi is the hottest spice you’ve ever tasted, babe. Her spice plantations are like, like—nutmeg, cloves, and pepper, leaving you breathless with every touch. She's a fiery of tropical heat and raw and EXTREMELY(even that is an understatement) unfiltered flavour that’ll set your soul on fire, completely(hopefully you dont combust internally). Yes , trust me. Every moment with her is intense, electric, and unforgettable. I hope I'm ready to handle the heat lmaoo? (YESS YESS YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!) 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️💋
(Not me checking my notifications every five minutes to see if this angel wammts me for breakfast tmr morning🥺)
No pickup lines this time! Straight-up gonna slide into DMs with “DO ME PLS🥺”
RIGHT SWIPEEEEEEEE!!! Found my gem, hehe.
Okay, I’m sorry to stop you in your moment of heat, but looks like it’s time for the primetime news reporters to take over, smh…
Enjoy your boring daily news while I stalk more baddies on the internet. See you in the next episode of—
Does this show have a name? I don’t know.
Whatever, bye.